The tale of a silly girl.

One week has gone. And i haven't update my blog since one week ago. Quite a lot of things happened ya? This was the first time, since i started blogging 2 years ago, that i don't really feel like posting. Though quite a lot of things did happened. Though i'm actually not that busy. Though i actually felt like expressing without limitations. I really want to shout! Shout out loudly for the first time in my life. But there isn't any place for me to shout either. That's impossible for me to shout in the school or on the crowded streets. People will think that i'm a fugitive who had just escaped from the mental problem hospital. I can't shout at home. My dad will surely give me a big slap till my trap goes shut! The only place where i can shout as long, and even as high pitch as i can--this small space which i own it myself, my personal territory, occupied by the abundance of my up-down feelings. It's like flipping over the immature photos of mine when i reread the older posts. What a silly girl!

I cried. Cause i'm still that silly girl. Never ever grow up. Acting childish without that puerile breathing. I always claim that my parents don't ever understand my situation. But actually so do i. I was really on the verge of a nervous breakdown that night, and i was so sorry that i cried. I shouldn't have cried. I could hear how my mom spoke up for me that day through the crevice of the toilet door. Guilt roams up my chest whenever i recall how my dad lay on the sofa in great devastation that day after seeing me cry. My heart aches when my dad still willing to meet my wills by buying me costly skirts as my Leo-U. I really feel bad about every single thing which i've done. Nothing seems to fit into the right place.

The only thing that seems to go into the right place is.... yea... the right place to cry. The right person to cry to. Somehow, I just thought of telling him all the things i'd encountered that night. I don't know why, but he seems to be the only person who gushed into my mind when my tears started to drop, and my mind told me that he can make me feel better. And he really did. Though i kept on crying on the phone, and maybe murmuring into the phone something that he couldn't understand what i was talking about. But he just stay there, right there, listening to my cryings and discomforts, cracking jokes to make this silly girl laugh like hell. I just want to tell him that i really appreciate what he had done. Thank you! ^^

So, I'd promised him that i'll take good care of myself all the way until PMR ends. 90 days to go!

10.58pm. I still have time to brush my teeth and change before 11.15pm. I keep my promise.

Loss and weariness

Love at the lips was touched,
As sweet as I could bear;
And once that seemed too much,
I lived on air.

-by Robert Frost (To Earthward)

I was blinded entirely by what i was possessing right then. Too much. Too much that i didn't even realized that I had to hold my breath before the quiet water sank me down. So gently. So tenderly. So softly. I miss that drop of water that spilled the chills all over me, so that I could have the chance to yearn for the warmth that I'm losing. Day by day.

I hope what i'd chosen is actually what i want.

Oh how i miss the times when i still believe that one day i can fly high up in the azure sky.

It's really hard to forget when you are actually yearning for it.

Now i gotta make myself really clear, what am i actually yearning for? All these years of studying blindly, I'd come to a turning point. A turning point which i have to start making choices. There should be less hesitation now. Just like a flying eagle. It has to decide its direction and destination resolutely, so that it won't end up banging it's head into a tree. But all these years i'd been the followers. A blind followers. Turning me into a splash of water, without any specific directions. I was yanked.

...

Sometimes i say don't when i actually do.
Sometimes i say yes when i actually don't feel that way.
Sometimes i act ignorant when i actually know something.
Sometimes i act nonchalant when it's actually not.

...

Yea.. why huh? I wonder.

No other reason. It's all because I'm not that kinda person who can stand the circumstances of being excluded from the conversation. I don't want to be a social outcast. But does that mean that i gotta discard the qualities which i actually possessed? Yea. I have to. I am now landing in a ruthless world, surrounding by brutal competitions. And i have to choose, what is the thing that i actually want? A stunningly beautiful person who is the focus of discussion among everyone, or just an ordinary person without any distinguished talent? If i'd picked the latter, will i be satisfied with that mere shadow of mine?

I guess no one of my age will spend their precious time to think about these superfluous words and sentences which is racking my brain now. Everyone's busy. Busy to bring themselves closer to their goal. Time's getting closer and closer. It's less than four months time, before i'll saunter into the grim examination hall as they do, bringing along the knowledge which i'd gain in these 3 years time. It's an equivocal outcome. It's either success or failure.


Yesterday was the 1st time i'd sipped a cupful of milkshake and ate an ice-cream in a cone. ^.^"|

Nostalgia

I'm just a little person,
One person in a sea,
Of many little people,
Who are not aware of me.

School started. And I'd crossed the border of the school gate with a new hairstyle (well that's the funniest part after all). Well, school started, that means no more fooling around, no more lying on the bed thinking about something that cracks the pot. And of course, no more spending time arousing my own nostalgia by looking through the old stuffs (That's what i usually in my room). Well, did i ever say that i like keeping old stuffs? Old stuffs, doesn't mean stuffs which are really old, but stuffs which remind me of the old times. Sometimes they just redden my eyes and cause serious flooding inside me.


Time flew off like the breeze. You'll never get back the same kind of cooling.

...
But the chocolates still taste the same way they used to be.
Thanks for remembering them!

You are special

I've forgotten how many years ago since we first knew each other. More than 10 years i guess. Longer than any of my relationship with any of my friends. Though we have nothing in common, but everytime you seem to attract me to talk to you. Though we just met not more than 3 times a year, but u seem to know me more than any of my friends does. Thank you! You had given me a lotz.

To be continue . . .

5 post of cutting cake by CYS LOL

CYS: Hmm... These people a.... suddenly treat me so good.... there is sure to have a prawn behind a rock. Hehehe.... I'll wait and see what chu gonna do. Walao... YYC is laughing madly... U thought i cannot see a?

CYS: Heng! Rupa-rupanya they want me to cut the cake. Wah... Who's the birthday star now? Me leh... Herh! >< U guyz should cut for me leh! But never mind. =) It's such an easy task. Come! Gimme the knife!

CYS: Walao~ How come so hard one? Hmph~ =.="|

CYS: Argghh!!! Cannot la~ Gotta stand up. U guyz wait and see lar.... I sure can cut it one!

At last...

Come la... We help u! Aiyo~ We waited very long already la.... When only can we eat the cake?
XD

Tagged by Jojie^^

1. How did you feel when you woke up this morning?
Relieved?

2. Would you consider yourself as a well-being person?
Not really. (Hoho... dun underestimate me.... Mwahaha~)

3. Have you ever visited an orphanage or an old folk's?
Nope. But i know it's a great thing to do. Hope to go for a visit there some day.

4. Have you ever had a best friend who is trustworthy?
Yes.

5. Do you want someone to be dead?
Of course not. But for those bastards, it's a Yes.

6. Do you love to go to school?
Sure. Cuz you're there.... hehe... (shh...)

7. Who was the last person who texted you?
VIP. (Whoever that texted me sure have VERY IMPORTANT THINGS to tell me.) XD

8. Do you want any food to eat right now?
Yea.... i need ice-cream. I'm too hot! XD

9. What are you doing right now?
Playing with the alphabets on the keyboard?

10. What are you thinking right now?
Jojie, you are so awesome. LOL

11. List 15 lucky people whom you tag:
Everyone deserves to be lucky. Do you want to be a lucky person? The decision is in your hands. XD